


Reason Itself

by satiredichotomy



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-01-27
Updated: 2006-01-27
Packaged: 2019-02-08 11:47:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12863877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/satiredichotomy/pseuds/satiredichotomy
Summary: From Antarctica to Atlantis.





	Reason Itself

**Author's Note:**

> Much chocolate to [](https://alyse.livejournal.com/profile)[alyse](https://alyse.livejournal.com/) for the beta. All remaining mistakes are mine.

She felt as though she was in college again, half-dressed and fooling around with a guy. Too much fumbling around, too much hesitancy and nowhere near enough certainty or even enthusiasm to make it better.

It shouldn't be like this, Sam thought, even though the thought didn't seem to make sense. Nothing made sense about this. She'd always heard random sex was finally guaranteed to be decent once you were in your thirties, because by then everyone was supposed to know what they were doing.

Lies.

^^^

Being in charge of Stargate Command was undoubtedly the most prestigious position Elizabeth had held. From the initial description, leading the primarily civilian scientific research at the Atlantus Outpost in Antarctica wasn't comparable.

But planning an expedition for those scientists to discover the Lost City of Atlantis was - despite how it had been emphasized that it wasn't guaranteed that they would find it.

Of course, that had been followed by sending Daniel Jackson and Samantha Carter to join her only mere days after she had arrived. While Elizabeth didn't doubt that General O'Neill just wanted some time to settle in, she was also sure that it was a good omen. After all, when she had joined the SGC, Daniel himself had taken care to remind her about how he had opened the Stargate the first time. Elizabeth was sure he could do it once again.

Now, her desk was covered with stacks of personnel files. Multitudes of brilliant scientists from all over Earth, and she was meant to single-handedly whittle them down to a mere handful to join her in Antarctica.

Of course, Elizabeth would never admit to creating a back-up list - names that wouldn't fit onto the list for Antarctica, but would make it for a larger expedition.

^^^

It began with the banter, as it always did. Crude insinuations about warming up from the cold, unsubtle commentary on her appearance, and so on, until she realised that Daniel was no longer sitting in the room shooting her amused smirks, and they weren't working anymore.

She hadn't enjoyed herself like this for awhile, and then she felt guilty for thinking it. Sam felt pathetic for knowing she should leave, but not wanting to, craving the relaxed headspace that McKay seemed to put her in.

She'd gotten too used to having Pete around. Their recent (and she was sure, temporary) break-up had come about as a result of Sam's determination to find a way to save Jack, who had been stuck in the Ancient stasis chamber. Now that Jack was back and everyone was safe, she had faith that she and Pete would eventually sit down and discuss things like adults.

Until then, she was determined to let herself relax.

^^^

"Okay, so who have you short-listed?" Daniel asked.

Elizabeth handed a file each to Daniel and Sam. "General O'Neill's confirming the military personnel, but I would appreciate your input for a couple of specific divisions. It goes without saying that the two of you are the best Earth has to offer in your respective areas."

Daniel smiled wryly while Sam started scanning the list of names. "As General O'Neill has made it very clear to me that I don't get either of you, I've picked the next best. You tell me if you've encountered any of these people, if there's anything I don't know that I should, if I've missed someone out."

Elizabeth glanced at Sam, who looked amused. "I take it you recognize some of these names?"

Sam shook her head and sighed. "If you ask Dr. McKay, he'll tell you he's the world's foremost expert on the Stargate."

"You disagree?"

This time, Sam grinned. "No, you did, a minute ago. But barring me - he'll do," she allowed.

^^^

It wasn't every day that Samantha Carter called him up. When she did, he made sure to listen, and then some. After the U.S.A. bought the Russian Stargate, Rodney had been reassigned back to Area 51 from Siberia. But for all that he had pretended to be uninterested by a working Stargate, it made working without one pale in comparison.

"When do you want me there?" he asked.

"Dr. Weir," she replied, stressing his new boss's name, "would like you as soon as possible."

He was on a plane the next day.

^^^

It didn't take long before people began arriving. Among the first were Dr. Beckett, her chief medical officer, and Dr. McKay, her not-quite-SGC-recommended head scientist. They both looked at the Ancient technology with big eyes and goofy smiles and she knew that she had the right people - despite Beckett's discomfort with his Ancient gene and McKay's acerbic personality.

It felt good to have people around. The outpost had seemed eerie in the beginning, with just their skeleton crew residing there. Now, Elizabeth could almost feel it coming to life, pulsing with the energy that these people brought.

She wasn't missing Simon as much as she had in the beginning. The days passed by quickly, as she took the time to meet the people she had chosen, internally assessing whether she wanted them on a longer journey. Management aside, she finally had the time to put her academic skills to use and spent time each day learning the Ancient language and whatever they had managed to ascertain about their culture.

Elizabeth would be damned if she disappointed her ancestors in the event that they actually got to meet Ancients in their Lost City.

^^^

He maintained eye contact for a second too long when they arrived at his quarters. Then, almost hesitantly, he opened his mouth and asked, "Could I... um, that is, would you like to..."

"Don't say it," Sam replied, as if not admitting it would remove her culpability. Ironically, that request created the atmosphere she wanted - if only because McKay also took that to mean 'stop talking'.

One step forward took her directly into his personal space and he stepped back in the room, moving in sync as she took another pace.

They continued languidly, her arms wrapping around his neck while she kissed him and he sighed imperceptibly. She could feel him nudge her sideways and she let him twist them around a clean semi-circle. He slowly pushed her down on the bed backwards, so smoothly that she wondered if he'd practised.

Of course, that was when it all fell apart.

^^^

Elizabeth sighed and swapped the phone to the other ear. Five rings, six rings...

"Hello?" he snapped, clearly out of breath.

She stopped herself from sighing again. "Hey, it's me."

Simon's demeanour changed instantly, now sounding pleased. "Hey you. I was just thinking about you."

"Oh really?"

"Uh-huh. I was just taking a shower and oddly enough you came to mind," he continued, voice going husky.

Elizabeth flushed, suddenly regretting calling him from her office. Even though there was no one around, people had a tendency to work at all hours and she'd had McKay accost her at 8.00pm before.

She let out a soft laugh. "I would expect nothing less," she teased. "But I don't have much time - are you okay to chat now?"

Besides, she wasn't really in the mood. She was slightly surprised that he was - they hadn't parted on the best of terms. Elizabeth had told him that she had been reassigned to Antarctica and he hadn't been happy at her outright acceptance without discussing it with him. She had left a week later, still without discussing it.

But now, Simon only made murmuring noises, giving his assent and she launched into what she could tell him about the project. No details, but she needed him to understand her excitement and devotion to the work, even if he would remain oblivious to the larger implications of what they were discovering.

"That sounds... intriguing," he eventually said. "I'm glad you're enjoying it."

"I really am, Simon. Words don't even come close to describing how I feel when I think about the importance of what I'm doing - and it's fun! I wouldn't give this up for anything."

He didn't ask her to elaborate.

^^^

Sam didn't understand when it all went wrong. It had started out so good; one minute blissfully losing herself in his kisses, while her IQ seeped away and she became the dumb blonde that he claimed so often, the next she was harshly brought back to reality as every movement was wrong and she wanted to stop and tell him exactly what to do next.

She ended up taking the lead, stripping off all of her clothes with military efficiency and then doing the same to Rodney. When they ended up with her on top, she gave up and shook her head.

"What? Is something wrong?" he asked.

She couldn't curb her irritation. "No. Not exactly. But why do I have to be on top?" she asked, her tone defensive.

He raised his eyebrows. "Um, you don't have to be -"

"It's not that I mind, per se, it's just that we started out with you pushing me onto the bed and that was working just fine, but somehow it got twisted and now it's all wrong!"

Rodney opened his mouth and then closed it again with saying anything, which was probably a first. He tried again. "Look, if you don't want to do this -"

"I didn't say that!"

"Okay, okay," he said calmly and then his eyebrows drew together. "Look, the reason you're on top is because you seemed to be annoyed with everything that I was doing, so I'm letting you do it your way. Happy now?"

"No. I don't like being on top!" she exclaimed, knowing she was being irrational again.

He gave a look of such exasperation that she could see the sarcastic remark coming before his mouth even moved. "And I became psychic and knew exactly what you'd like in bed since when?"

^^^

"Carson, hi," Elizabeth greeted him. "I was wondering if you had a moment."

He turned around and put down a test tube. "Of course, Dr. Weir."

"I was wondering if you made that list of your staff, unofficial, of course, for the eventuality that we find Atlantis," she explained, hoping her ulterior motive wasn't obvious. Then again, she wasn't a renowned international diplomat for nothing.

He shuffled through papers on his desk. "Yes, I have actually, as of last night," he replied with a smile.

"Could I take a look at it?"

"Certainly. I've been in personal contact with a good few of them. They're really quite an impressive group," Carson admitted.

"I would expect no less," she agreed, examining the list carefully.

There was no Dr. Simon Wallace listed.

^^^

Sam didn't stick around very long after that night. Unlike Daniel, there wasn't really a need for her there. Rodney had taken over immediately upon arrival and she wasn't contributing anything helpful.

She was packing in her quarters when he came knocking.

"Look, I'm sorry. There's no need for you to go because of -"

"McKay!" she exclaimed to cut him off and pulled him into the small room, poking her head out of the doorway to see if anyone was around. When the door closed, she took a deep breath before turning around to face Rodney.

When she didn't say anything, he continued. "Seriously. Don't go because of me – I screwed up, I know you're not really interested in me and I shouldn't have pushed it. I don't want to ruin our beautiful working relationship over this."

She let the working relationship comment pass and started ticking off points on her fingers. "I'm not leaving just because of that. First of all, this is your operation here and I should leave you to do your thing. I've got my own work back at the SGC, anyway. Secondly, the 'not really interested' thing? Well, let's just say that I'd be lying if I said I wasn't attracted to you, just a little bit. I don't do pity fucks, McKay. If any of that leaves this room, I will kill you."

Sam gestured for him to sit down and did the same, facing him. "I'm just still kind of involved with someone else at the moment."

"Oh," he said, looking disappointed.

"Not right now!" she hastily added. "We broke up a little while ago but it's not actually over if you know what I mean," she explained while he looked like he wasn't entirely sure what she meant, but she continued. "And I think I was just looking for him when I was with you which is why I was acting so stupidly."

"I suppose that makes sense," he agreed.

She sighed. "I'm just in a place right now where I'm ready to settle down a bit and find things that make me happy. This guy - I think he makes me happy."

Rodney gave her a look and rolled his eyes. "Of course he does."

She raised her eyebrows. "Hey, look..."

"No, it's cool. That's fine. I'm," he heaved a huge sigh, "happy for you."

"But hey, to be honest, McKay, if you and I were living on the same continent and I didn't have this thing going on with Pete... I'd be interested to see how things would work between us," she admitted.

His eyes opened wide. "Really?"

^^^

When Daniel said, "Atlantis. I think we can go there," Elizabeth was sure that her heart stopped beating for a second. All of her planning was finally coming to fruitation. The next few days passed in a blur, writing reports and planning and convincing people and meetings...

A whole week passed before she realised that she hadn't called Simon. So she did. They repeated the conversation they had before, with her raving about the importance of her work and him listening, except this time there was phone sex because she couldn't find it within herself to refuse him again.

Every time that she tried to find the words to tell him that she was leaving, her mouth dried up. She ended the conversation by telling him that she would be returning soon to grab a few more items for Antarctica.

Even as she stood in her home, packing for Atlantis - the Lost City - she couldn't find the words. In the end, she pulled out her old video camera and hit record.

That evening, she went over to his and spent it in his arms, laughing at his jokes and realising they didn't have anything to talk about anymore because the only thing she wanted to say was the one thing she couldn't.

It made her sad to realise that she wasn't sad when she left him.

^^^

Rodney was working at a console in the command center when he heard footsteps behind him. They weren't unexpected, but the fact that they kept on coming night after night still surprised him.

He turned around and Elizabeth was standing with a thermos in hand, as usual. "Ready for a coffee break?"

His mouth twisted into a familiar smile. "Always."

They made their way to the mess hall, chattering about inconsequential things going on in the city. When neither of them had moved an hour later, in a break from their usual tradition, they found themselves talking about Earth.

"Antarctica was strange, don't you think?" she asked.

He gave her a confused look. "It had an Ancient outpost. It's not your usual tourist attraction, no."

"That's what I meant," she replied. "It was like a half-way house between being on Earth and being in Atlantis."

Rodney nodded slowly. "It was a good way to see what you could have and what you would lose without having to make the commitment."

Elizabeth sat up straight. "Exactly! It was like 'we'll put you far enough away that you'll feel like you're in another galaxy and you can see what you really want'."

"Yeah. It highlighted what you could have and made you wonder if that would be enough to consider giving this," he waved his arm around, "up for it."

She looked at him intently. "And yet we're both here."

"Yes, we are."

^^^

When Elizabeth invited him into her quarters an hour later, and her bed not much longer after that, it felt like the truth.

END


End file.
